Say His Name, Say His Name

One thing I have learned in my spiritual journey is that when you truly need something you have the ability to say GOD's name and he will deliver.  This is not to say that you can ask for anything you want and get it, but you have the heart of an almighty and omnipotent king that will appear in your time of need.  The power can only be tapped if you learn to say his name out loud and tell him what it is that you are in need of for he can come to you in any form.

Recently I have been troubled in my relationships and social interactions with my peers and as usual I questioned why.  I have a tendency to ruin friendships with people or cut them off.  I don't know if it is because of my numerous insecurities or due to something done on their part.  Whatever the case may be, I asked GOD to please allow me a better sense of clarity so that I do not remove people from my life that can help and advance me while keeping the people in my life that are detrimental to my well being and success.  I asked him to deliver and he did.  The question is now "am I ready to handle what I see?"

Since the granting of this clarity, I have lost three close friends in a matter of three days.  One was the love of my life and the other two were mutual friends that I became close with over time.  What hurt the most is that it took one conversation with my ex to turn them completely against me without even knowing the full situation.  Although their loyalty does not lie with me because they knew him first (yes I said him), I have always had their backs through thick and thin and I feel completely betrayed.

The point I'm making with this story is that I asked GOD for clarity and he immediately allowed me to see the snakes in the grass.  When I inquired about who in my life could potentially hurt me, I never would have guessed that it would have been three of my closest friends.  Although I'm hurting right now and don't know how this whole situation will end, I have asked GOD to grant me the strength to handle what I can now see.  I know that he would not place more on me than I can handle and that this is all in preparation for something greater.  I am lonely right now but I am sure that I will be able to draw support from another source just as they all support each other.  I am optimistic that my future social and romantic relationships will be stronger because of this.

The Closer I Get to You

I have started to take what my Pastor says in church to heart and try to apply it to my everyday life.  I am not the most religious person or anything, but I do consider myself to be relatively spiritual.  One topic of discussion that Pastor has presented in church in the last couple weeks has stood out to me and is very visible in my life right now.  Allow me to share my thoughts with you.

The discussion dealt with seasons in life and how they affect you much like they affect the secular world.  During the summer season everything is hot.  It is a time to relax and enjoy yourself, be carefree and rest.  The people you meet during this time are at their best and very passionate about forming bonds.  Moving into fall season, you prepare to enter a time of harvest and saving.  You start to wind down from the highs of summer as you prepare yourself for the cold that potentially lies ahead.  Winter is a season where everything dies.  It is the complete opposite of summer.  It can be cold and lonely at times and you may often struggle to find any shred of warmth in your soul.  What comes after winter is spring.  The time of renewal.  The losses of winter start to become obsolete as the beauty of spring makes things better than they were before and renew your spirit.

I am definitely in my winter season right now.  I am in heavy financial debt that appears impossible to get out of, I have lost the love of my life (not to the after life but to the pressures of society), I have lost other close friends, and ultimately I am continuously losing my sanity.  What is overlooked about winter; however, is its beauty.  Like the beauty of nature after a heavy snowfall, white and pure, someone sees your struggles and finds beautiful admiration in your ability to survive.  It is when you lose everything and everything around you dies that you ultimately become closer to GOD because you have no one else to turn to.  It is during the winter season that you truly find YOURSELF.  

I am now in a position to say that I am thankful to be going through my winter season.  I am thankful that I have re-discovered a strong relationship with GOD and those around me who I still consider to be friends.  Without this winter season, I wouldn't be able to look forward to spring and the new blessings that lie ahead of me.